i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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