What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
