so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
