Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
