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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.

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  These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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• (972): View more from Texas

  Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...

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  25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries

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• (845): View more from New York

  I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I know where his drugs are but not my pants

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