It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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