there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"