hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
These Little Things Make People Overly Angry
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
These Medical Professionals Recall the Worst Cases of Hypochondria They’ve Seen
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.