the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
