I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
