Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
we should paint friendship bongs
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