Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
