I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
