i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
