Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
