I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
