Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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