I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
