She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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