so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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