she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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