That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
