one might say we're banned from that church
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
