doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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