I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
