a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
