theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
