I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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