I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
