remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
