last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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