She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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