He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
