I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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