youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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