I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
