he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize