Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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