call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
