wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.