Tell her she can't have a vagina
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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