I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake