pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!