Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.