The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.