ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.