Dude my mom stole all your condoms
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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