U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
