You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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