To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
