dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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