Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
