I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
