the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
