people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
