We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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