i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
