I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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