can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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