There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Blood and glitter go together right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
