I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
