home. puking in laundry basket.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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