Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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