I haven't been this sober since birth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
