puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
worst night to have a conscience
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
