Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
