Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
