My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
