So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
