hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
