Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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