last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
