Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
