Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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