Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
