Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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