Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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