Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
